


Cold Tea

by Only_Slightly_Obsessed (A_Stressed_Cupcake)



Series: If It's To Save You [2]
Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canonical Amnesia, Character Death, Emilia is a sweetheart, Felix being a good friend, Gen, So much angst, Subaru also being a good friend, Temporary Character Death, abundant use of metaphors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:07:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29204076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Stressed_Cupcake/pseuds/Only_Slightly_Obsessed
Summary: It was an off-hand comment from Wilhelm that convinced him to accept the Crusch camp's hospitality for a little longer.______This is the second work in a series, but reading the other parts is not necessary. The stories are self-contained.
Series: If It's To Save You [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2138166
Comments: 27
Kudos: 87





	1. Prologue: The Funeral Dinner

It was an off-hand comment from Wilhelm that convinced him to accept the Crusch camp's hospitality for a little longer. 

Specifically, a comment regarding the villagers and how not many were used to long, continuous travel. 

Convincing them to stay wasn’t difficult, and Emilia was in no mood to oppose him on anything that would make him feel even a little bit better. That was how they ended up staying one night more than what they'd planned. 

At dinner, he'd been once again seated between Emilia and Felix. And, while he certainly did his best to keep the conversation on her most of the time, Emilia was rather timid when there were too many people around and too much food on the table, and Felix was a chatterbox. Especially under stress, and he was under a crushing amount of stress, which certainly wasn’t helped by Crusch retiring to her chambers early, exhausted by… well, just about everything in the past few days. So, Subaru tried to split the conversation as equally as possible between the two of them.

It didn’t work as well as he would've liked. Felix still looked just a little off and Subaru didn't feel any better, eating food that, however well-made, just didn't compare to Rem's. 

Briefly, he wondered if Felix would have fared any better had it been Crusch's name that Gluttony had eaten. He scrapped that thought immediately. That probably wouldn't have gone well either. Even _thinking_ it felt cruel.

"Hey, Felix?"

"Myes?"

"I saw the kids swarming you earlier. How are you faring with that?"

"Kids fear nothing." commented Felix, picking at his food, "They were playing on the gates. You know, the sharp gates. The tall gates..."

“Did they fall?”

“Surprisingly, no.” he said, “But one did get bitten by a snake. So of course I had to go and help.”

"Ah, yes." Subaru cackled, "They're a handful, eh? But they're sweet once they take a shine to you."

For just a moment, Felix's eyes had a bit of their old spark back: "Absolutely." he grinned, "One of the girls made me a flower crown. I have never wanted a child more, I swear."

They laughed, somewhat awkwardly. Felix looked away: "The trouble with flowers is, they don't last that long, no matter how much you take care of them." he mused. The spark was gone again.

Subaru sighed: "That's true. But don't you think that's kind of beautiful? I mean, if time meant nothing, neither would life, right?"

"Mh?" Felix raised his brow.

"Think about it." he continued, "Be honest with me. If you couldn't die, or age, would you care about anything? Could you afford to? If everything but you is temporary, you're destined to be alone. If everything is immortal, then none of it has meaning, reproduction is either impossible or damaging, the air is stale, everything gets boring. Which would you prefer?"

He wasn’t quite sure where that rant had come from, but it felt good.

Felix took some time to answer.

"I think…" he murmured, "I'd go for _everything_ being immortal. Sure, it'd get boring, but at least I wouldn't be bored alone. At least we would all know that someone will always be there. Misery loves company, a _meow_ right?"

He elbowed Subaru in the side with a wink.

Subaru laughed from the heart: "I couldn't agree more."

Before he went to bed, Emilia came to visit. 

"How are you feeling, Subaru?" she asked him, with the gentlest voice. It was nice to have her there. He was sure that, if she hadn't been there, he would've been much worse off.

"Tired." he admitted, "Talking to Felix tired me out."

"You didn't eat a lot." she observed, still just as gently, "Neither of you. Is there anything you'd like to eat?"

He smiled. She was so nice. She was being so considerate. If only she could've helped him, it would have been perfect, but her just trying was enough for him.

"Nothing you would find here." he sighed, "I know you don't remember this, but… Rem did most of the cooking at the mansion."

"Oh, did she?"

"Yes. It's just a pity you can't remember how good she was at cooking, Emilia-tan." he smiled, sadly.

Emilia's face took on a determined look: "Well, you'll just have to make me taste it again someday."

"Emilia…"

"You'll save her." she declared, "I know you will. If you find that there's any way I can help with that, I insist. Come to me. Ask and ye shall receive."

He laughed: "Who says _ye_ anymore, Emilia-tan?"

"I do!" she exclaimed, but there was no offense in her tone.

Her gaze softened: "But really, Subaru. Promise me you'll ask for help if I can give it."

"I will."

"Promise me?"

"I promise." he said, without a second thought.

Emilia took a few more steps into the room: "I'll hold you to that."

It felt like a warning.

She didn't hug him, that time. But she did it again. She ran her hand through his hair, in a comforting gesture not unlike one a parent would use to console a child.

"You will save her." she repeated.

He thought, much later, when she left and he lay his head down to sleep, that he probably would have spent hours pacing around if she hadn't visited. 

Instead, he closed his eyes and slept immediately.

In his dreams, though, there was darkness and cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you caught something that sounded like a dig at Ayamatsu!Subaru, that's because it was :D  
> Pride Subaru is sweating.
> 
> Giving some love to Felix and Emilia because, in my humble opinion, they deserve it.
> 
> -Rémy


	2. The Dying of the Light

He woke up with a bad feeling. That wasn’t unusual. What _was_ unusual was that everyone else seemingly had the same feeling when he walked out of his room. 

His first thought was to check on Rem.

No, still there. Still asleep. Still. 

He gave her a brief pat on the head and retreated to find what was actually wrong. He didn’t have to search for very long. Felix sat in the garden, alone, looking absolutely miserable, with an untouched cup of tea beside him. 

“Hey!” he called out. Felix’s fluffy ears snapped up just a fraction of a second later than usual.

“Hiya, Subaru-kyun.” he smiled, with nothing behind the eyes except for a deep tiredness. 

Subaru sat next to him: “You look terrible. What’s up with that?”

“Oh, you know…” Felix waved his hand dismissively, “I must’ve tired myself out with all the people that came in. I’m a little dizzy.”

“You’re pale.”

“Mmh, I know. It happens sometimes. Take note, Subaru-kyun: this is what you'll look like if you abuse your gate again.” he shrugged.

“Well, if you say so. You’re the doctor.”

“Myes, I am.” Felix grinned, “I get the say in this. How are you, though? You look well-rested.”

The sarcasm was palpable. Subaru made the fakest laugh he could manage: “Right, you can see my radiant skin this morning. Eh. The usual, you know? This atmosphere is giving everyone nightmares, I assume.”

“I’m pretty sure, yes.” Felix agreed.

They both went silent for a moment. Subaru’s eyes fell to the cold cup of tea between them.

“I think your tea’s gone cold.”

Felix gave him an appropriately amused look: “I know. Old Wil made it for me earlier, but…”

He sighed: “Well, this is embarrassing. I feel too nauseous even to drink that.”

That was concerning. Subaru frowned: “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’m not _alright_ , per se, but I can’t do much about it, now can I?” 

“There’s… there’s a lot of healers around here…”

“They can’t waste their energy on this after a battle like that, Subaru-kyun.” he giggled, “But it’s nice of you to worry. I didn’t know you cared.”

“Aah, don’t be like that.” scoffed Subaru, but he couldn’t stop the corners of his mouth from twitching up. 

“I will be just as I am, no more, no less.” declared Felix.

It was oddly inspiring how unapologetic he was. Endearing, in a way. Subaru felt much more at ease around him than the first time he’d met him. His casual clinging to people and pats on the back were a lot more reassuring in retrospect. 

“As you should, Felix. As you should.”

They spent a few minutes in comfortable silence.

“By the way, Subaru, I don’t know if you should be sitting this close to me.” sighed the knight, out of the blue, “If it’s a cold, and it might be, I should probably be on my own for a while.”

“Ah, but you don’t like being alone, do you?”

Felix went quiet.

“That is irrelevant.” he concluded. He glanced around for a moment, his finger tracing the edge of the cup. Once he’d checked no one was near, he quickly spilled its contents into the nearest plant. When his tired eyes met Subaru’s, he grinned weakly: “What? It’s cold. The plants don’t mind.”

“You sneaky little bastard.”

“It’s your word against mine.”

Subaru shook his head. He was right, but he didn’t have to say it. 

“You win this time, good sir.” he sighed. It occurred to him that he should probably go back inside before Emilia got worried. He hadn’t seen her all morning. She had been a little more protective than usual lately and they were supposed to leave in a few hours.

“I should… I should probably…”

“Go pack your bags?” guessed Felix, “You’d better. Always double check you have everything, it’s gonna be awkward if you have to turn back and return here, don’t you think?”

“I don’t have much to pack, but alright. Hey, Felix?”

“Mh?”

“Seriously, go rest a bit.” 

Felix’s ears twitched downwards: “I will. I’m kinda cold, actually.”

“There you have it. Go to bed.”

“Fiiiine…” sighed the knight. 

When Subaru helped him stand, his arm was freezing cold. 

They were all ready to go shortly after lunch. Felix had attended, but only by virtue of showing up. He refused most, if not all, offers of food and looked outright miserable. Subaru had once again tried to make conversation, with even less success. 

It was weird, he thought. Not his silence, not that much, but the sinking feeling in the pit of Subaru’s stomach felt strangely familiar, in the same way it always did when he knew something that others didn’t. He wasn’t sure what that was, though. That was the issue.

He said his goodbyes to Crusch and Wilhelm, but his eyes kept shifting to the carriage where Rem was being set up for the journey. By Felix. Overall, two people he was very nervous about, conveniently in the same place. 

_Oh, joy_ , he thought, catching his eyes slipping away from the people in front of him again in a way that must’ve been obvious to at least one of them. The one turned out to be Patrasche, perceptive as ever. She bumped her head into his back gently and he was more than happy to return the favour with a good pat on the head. She deserved it.

He was just starting to feel better when Felix poked his head out of the carriage.

“All set!” he declared, “She’ll be just fine travelling. Good luck.”

He bounced on his feet and jumped to the ground below. That was not unusual. What _was_ unusual, however, was that his landing was nowhere near graceful.

He landed harshly on his heels and stumbled forward a few feet, unconsciously latching onto the back of Subaru’s jacket.

Subaru shivered. His fingers were ice cold under the fabric of his tracksuit. He turned his head to catch Felix’s eye, but he was looking down at the grass, panting like he’d run a marathon. And so damn pale.

“Felix, are you…?” he started, but his tongue ran dry before he could finish the sentence. 

Felix tilted forward a little: “I’m… a little dizzy. Hey, Subaru, do you think you could help me lie… _down…_?”

The last word was little more than a wheeze. Felix tilted forward too much to hold himself up and his grip on Subaru was gone in an instant. It was Subaru who caught him, a second before his head hit the ground, but it was Wilhelm who held him against his chest and turned him around to look him in the eyes.

“Felix, boy, talk to me! What is wrong?”

Felix looked ready to answer him. He opened his mouth, then shut it immediately, wide-eyed and blue in the face, writhing in Wilhelm’s grip to tilt his head downwards again. Wilhelm caught on just in time. He got Felix to his knees a second before his dry, breathless heaving turned to bitter bile and blood, staining the grass a dark shade of red. 

He coughed up a few more drops and leaned back lifelessly against Wilhelm’s shoulder.

Subaru didn’t miss the way the old man’s fingers tightened around his arms. It didn’t last long, though. 

“Find me a healer!” he yelled, hooking one arm under Felix’s knees and the other behind his back, “Someone find me a healer! Quickly!”

No one moved, for a moment. The first to move was Crusch: “You heard him! Move!”

The knights behind her scattered as she joined Wilhelm on his way back into the mansion. 

It took Subaru too long to realise how far ahead they were. When he did, he broke into a sprint after them.

“Subaru!” Emilia called after him.

“Stay with Rem!” he yelled, “I’ll send someone!”

He didn’t look back, but he knew she had listened.

Subaru could feel himself grow paler with every second he spent outside Felix’s room. Healer after healer were turned away, and he wasn’t sure if they genuinely didn’t know or if they lacked the courage to tell Felix’s increasingly agitated friends what was happening. 

If it was the latter, though, he couldn’t say he blamed them. 

Oh, he knew what had struck Crusch’s knight, of course he knew. He’d seen it four times, after all. But was it really worth telling them, if they couldn’t do anything about it? If _no one_ could do anything about it?

No, maybe not. But there was one thing he needed to know.

They let him in without complaint when he knocked. The scene was utterly pitiful. Wilhelm buzzed around a kettle that must've been little more than lukewarm by that point, warming up towels to wrap around Felix’s arms and neck. Crusch was essentially trapped by her delirious knight's trembling grip on her hand. Oh, surely, she could've walked away, but she so clearly didn't want to. And Felix himself couldn't have done anything at all, most likely. He was sweating profusely, something Crusch took care to immediately dry away, and his glazed eyes stared straight up at the ceiling. 

Subaru gulped. Would he find the courage to break the news before the news broke him? 

He decided to tread carefully.

"How is he?" he asked, and immediately regretted it.

Still, Crusch didn't seem too offended: "I don't understand. He looks feverish, but… he's so cold…"

"He keeps sweating." Wilhelm chimed in, "It's taking even more heat from him. It's like he's freezing from the inside out, I…"

The symptoms varied. If Felix had stayed asleep that morning, maybe he wouldn’t have felt any of it. But he hadn’t. So that left one more problem to cry over.

One question.

"Is he conscious?"

"Sometimes."

He had just one question for Felix. Just one lead to follow into the next timeline. If that didn't work, he had no idea what would.

He knelt beside his bedridden friend: "Felix? Can you hear me?"

The knight remained still for long enough that Subaru began to suspect the answer was _no_ , but, just as he was losing hope, he nodded slowly.

"Good. Good. I need you to tell me something. Can you speak?"

Felix struggled to part his cracked lips. His breath came out in short, broken fragments, but he managed to answer: "Y…" he gulped and tried again: "Yes."

Subaru was well aware he was on a time limit. Fast, but not so fast that Felix could misunderstand him, he said: "You told me one of the children got hurt earlier, and you had to help them. Which was it?"

Felix shut his eyes, struggling to piece together a relatively unfamiliar face.

"She… she had…" he rasped out, "...a braid, I think. Blue hair."

He coughed loudly, curling up a little closer to Crusch. She poured him a glass of water with her free hand and pulled him up just enough that he wouldn't choke on it.

When he was done, Subaru asked: "And the girl who made you a flower crown? Which one was it?"

"It was…" Felix shot quick glances around, as he did when he was thinking, "...yes, the same girl. It was… it was the same girl."

"Did you touch any of the other villagers?”

“No.”

“Anyone you don't know?" 

“A few people, I…” he coughed, “Maybe they just… maybe I don’t- I don’t remember them.”

“Did they tell you their names?”

Felix shook his head _no_ , but his movements had turned much more sluggish since the beginning of the conversation. He was starting to slip away again. 

No matter. Subaru had a lead. His heart sank when he realised that it would be no good in the current timeline. But at least he knew where his save point was. 

He decided to tell Crusch and Wilhelm. It wasn’t fair to them to let them think it was some random illness that had taken Felix's life, and it wasn’t fair to their healers to make them think they had failed to save him out of their own lack of virtue or power. But he didn't particularly want to have that conversation with Felix in the room, and Crusch was still trapped by the chains of his delirium, so he determined that Wilhelm could probably handle that conversation better than him later on.

"Wilhelm?" he called. The old man looked up from the rag he'd just laid on Felix’s forehead. Subaru gestured to follow him outside: "Can I have a word with you? It's… it's very important. You will want to know this."

Wilhelm didn't follow him immediately. 

"My lady?"

"Go." she nodded.

Felix looked almost upset when the old man pulled his hand away from his forehead. He followed the hand as it left, letting his head fall to the side, and said nothing.

Outside the room, Wilhelm went straight to the point: “What do you need to tell me? Is it about Felix?”

“I… yes.” he gulped.

“What is it?”

A pause. A very long pause. The impatience was coming off of Wilhelm in waves: “Well?”

Subaru felt himself shrink under the Sword Demon’s eyes. He bowed, more to hide his face than for manners.

“Wilhelm, sir, I am so sorry.”

He didn’t need to look at the old man to know he wasn’t taking that well. He only needed to listen to him speak.

“What? What is it? Subaru-dono, if what you have to say could help, I entreat you-”

“It can’t!” cried Subaru. The knot in his throat grew so tight that he nearly choked on his own words: “That’s just it! It can’t help!! I just thought that… that you should know, and…”

“Then let me _know_ already!”

He was right. He was right. No use running in circles around the issue. 

_Dammit, I was the one who brought it up. Speak up, coward_.

He finally found the strength to look up at Wilhelm, and immediately wished he hadn’t. It wasn’t a face he ever wanted to see on him. It was like he already knew what he was going to say, like he was grieving in advance. And it wasn’t fair to him. There was no letting him down gently, at that point, but he could still let him down.

“It’s… it’s not an illness. I think you might know, but… I know, because I’ve seen this four times before. I am so sorry. This is a curse.”

Wilhelm flinched like he’d been struck.

“A curse?” he repeated, “A curse? No- I- who could have… no. He was fine when we returned, and after that…”

“It could’ve been activated at any point after.” murmured Subaru, “And once it’s been activated, there’s-”

“I know that!” 

Subaru had to hold himself back from stepping away from him. He wasn’t _afraid_ of him, but it would be a lie to say he wasn’t intimidated. It would be an even bigger lie to say that the clear pain in the man’s eyes didn’t make him want to run away and scream to the sky. But none of that was fair to Wilhelm.

“I’m sorry.” he repeated, “I’m so sorry. I…”

He froze when the old man raised a hand to silence him.

“Don’t, my boy. Don’t. There was nothing… there _is_ nothing you can do. Unless you know who was responsible, there is nothing I could ask of you.”

But that wasn’t quite right, was it?

The idea was already rooting in Subaru’s mind, but he wasn’t done with the timeline _or_ with Wilhelm just yet. Not until he made something very clear.

“I can’t give you that answer.” he declared, “For one, because I don’t have it. And for two, because I know what’s on your mind.”

Met with silence, Subaru continued: “You’re thinking about revenge while he’s still breathing. That, sir Wilhelm, is the one thing I can’t accept just yet.”

“Why not?” Wilhelm snapped, “Do you pretend you wouldn’t be furious in my place? Do you pretend you wouldn’t want to find whoever’s responsible? I don’t believe that.”

“I didn’t say that!”

“Then what?”

“I would be furious.” said Subaru, “I _am_ furious. But, like I said, he’s still alive. For a few more hours, he’s still alive. And I can’t speak for him, but I can tell you this: if I were the one on my deathbed, I would want as many of my friends there as I can have. Actually, screw that! I _can_ speak for him. I don’t know Felix as well as you do, and even _I_ know he gets lonely! Even I know how much he values you and Crusch. So, again, I can’t speak for you, but I can tell you, if it were me in your shoes, I wouldn’t waste a single second of the time we have left. You’re having an opportunity that so many who have lost someone can never get. You can say your goodbyes. Don’t waste that, Wilhelm. Don’t ever waste that! I can’t respect a man who would.”

Silence.

He wondered if he'd gone too far. 

Wilhelm’s eyes were glazing over with memories; memories of who, exactly, he wouldn't know. His wife, or Felix, or both, or someone else entirely. Either way, he knew his words had struck something fragile, and shattered it completely.

The old man walked backwards to the door and practically ran inside, without a word.

Subaru had miscalculated. Felix did not have hours to live. He had less than one hour, in fact, as he found out not ten minutes before sundown from a passing conversation between two nearby knights. 

The dying of the light had more than one meaning that day. 

Subaru hadn’t returned to the room, or anywhere near it, after the conversation with Wilhelm. In fact, it seemed no one had. No one else had been called in, or allowed inside to visit, and the only reason those knights knew was that someone, braver than the others, had apparently heard the telltale sound of a mourning song coming from inside the room. Others scoffed at the possibility, declaring that neither of the other two people present in the room would have responded to such news by singing. 

Too many rumours. Subaru decided that rumours weren’t good enough for him. 

With a heavy heart, he resolved to investigate further. 

Emilia must have read it on his face. 

“Subaru,” she called, gently placing a hand on his shoulder, “do you think…”

“I don’t know. I’m going to find out.”

“I’m not sure they’ll let you in.” she shook her head.

“I have to try. I can’t…” he sighed, “I can’t do this, Emilia. I can’t go on rumours.”

“But still.”

“If they tell me to leave, I’ll leave immediately.” he promised. Emilia still didn’t let go of his shoulder. In fact, she squeezed it just a little tighter. Almost like…

“Are you scared, Emilia-tan?”

Her lip tugged up a little at the nickname, but there was no real joy in her eyes.

“No.” she shook her head, “Not really. Just… not ready, I think.”

“I can go on my own.”

“I know.”

She looked down at her legs. Subaru found her hesitation somewhat endearing. Still, he was not willing to wait any more. Gently, he removed her hand from his shoulder, holding on to it long after she’d let go.

“I’ll be back soon.”

Emilia nodded sadly: “Take your time.”

The corridor was completely silent. If there _had_ been singing, as the rumours said, the singer’s voice had died down long before he was ever near the room. Subaru breathed in as deeply as he could, but that turned out not to be too deep. The muscles in his chest kept contracting without any input from him, and any breath longer than a half second just didn’t fit. 

Something ugly was stirring deep in his gut.

It twisted and thrashed, as if it was trying to bite its way out of his body, only to stop dead in its tracks as soon as his knuckles touched the door. Three knocks, slower than eager knocks, but faster than fearful knocks.

For a moment, nothing. Then, a shuffling noise on the other side of the door, and a click of the lock.

It was still strange to him, seeing Crusch so seemingly timid, though there was an unmistakable air of sorrow to her movements. It spoke loud enough for him, compared to her voice, so much softer than usual.

“This is a bad time.” she murmured, glancing back for just a moment. 

“I can leave.” he offered, “I just wanted to know if…”

He cut himself off when the sorrow in her eyes flared up without warning. She must have completed the phrase in her mind. 

“About half an hour ago.” she confirmed, as quietly as she could. 

Subaru’s stomach sank. 

She moved, without hurry, to block him when he tried to look over her shoulder: “This is a bad time.” she repeated, politely, but firmly.

He almost listened, in no small part due to the promise he’d made to himself to leave them alone. Until, that is, someone spoke up behind Crusch.

“He can stay, if you will allow it.”

The voice was cracked, almost indiscernibly so, and so familiar. But then, who else was in the room? He already knew.

Crusch turned her head without moving away from the crack in the door: “Are you sure?”

"Yes. I thank you for your concern, my lady."

She nodded: "If you wish." she relented, and finally opened the door all the way.

The first thing on Subaru’s mind was that Wilhelm’s description of the curse, as _freezing him from the inside out_ , was inaccurate.

Looking at Felix's face, it was more like he'd been _eaten alive_ from the inside. 

His cheeks were hollow, his eyes sunken in, and his skin almost grey. One of his hands, pale and much thinner than he remembered it, had been draped across his chest; the other was tucked safely between Wilhelm’s.

The old man was kneeling by his bedside, and had been for some time, if his posture was any indication. He looked pensive, but not resigned. Never resigned. Wilhelm, as calm and affable as he could be, always seemed to have a flaming star of rage buried deep inside his chest. It wasn’t always as visible and as specific as it was at that moment, though.

The rage that transpired through his eyes was directed, with pinpoint accuracy, at whoever had cursed Felix. 

It was another log on the pyre that burned inside Wilhelm, and its embers would burn for a long time.

Subaru didn't dare take more than two steps into the room. It felt like walking into a stranger's funeral; although Felix wasn't a stranger at all, he had the exact same sense of misplacement. Sure, Felix wasn't a stranger, and sure, he may have been a friend, too, but Subaru knew he could never compare to the other two people present in that room. 

"He fell asleep." Crusch murmured, "Some time before the end."

Subaru nodded as discretely as he could.

"And then he woke up." Wilhelm completed the sentence, and his heart sank through the floor, "He woke up, because he wasn't _done_. He wasn’t ready. He said he wasn't-"

"No one ever is." frowned Crusch.

She passed by Subaru to sit on the edge of the bed. There was an air of barely contained fury around her, too, and he couldn’t help but feel like he'd interrupted something.

"I…" he cleared his throat, "I want to offer my condolences."

"And mine to you, sir." she replied.

“What?”

“It’s only fair. You’ve known him for some time now. I’ve known him for as long as I can remember, but that is…” 

She trailed off.

 _Not that long_.

He’d been wondering how she was coping with that. Not well, apparently. He had to wonder if it would have been better or worse for her to remember the one who had been her closest friend. And she would, eventually, wouldn’t she? If Subaru had any sort of say in recovering the lost memories of Gluttony’s victims, she would remember. 

Of course, it would be better to just try again. He knew where his save point was. And he knew exactly how to get there. 

So why wouldn’t he?

That was the only question he couldn’t answer: _why wouldn’t I?_

It was just about the right time. 

The discomfort of being an intruder suddenly crept up his spine again. He took a hasty step back and a deep bow: "I think I should leave. Should I… should I give the news?"

"Feel free to do so." nodded Crusch, "But tell them not to come here yet."

"I will."

Subaru did his best to leave without giving away that he was listening in on Wilhelm’s muttering.

" _You're warm_ , he said, _you're warm_. Was that it?"

He hoped the hurry didn't show too much when he stumbled his way out of the room.

The first thing he did was spread the news. For one, because the rumours had to end once and for all. For two, because it would cause just the kind of chaos he needed to enact his plan. If he had one. He didn’t have much of a plan, actually; as he looked around for ideas, they all just seemed painfully unappealing simply for the attention they were bound to draw. He had an idea, eventually.

Hoping against all hope he wouldn't run into Emilia (she would never leave him alone if she found him and saw the look in his eyes), he made his way to the massive, and very full, infirmary of Crusch's mansion. The unconscious, nameless patients, like Rem, had been dismissed, anyone with any sort of identification on them returned to a family that didn't remember them, the rest left in the care of various volunteering shelters. Even still, there were many injured soldiers in the room, and a disturbing amount were recovering from missing limbs. The healers had spent as much energy as they could. No wonder Felix had thought nothing of the curse: he must've been well and truly exhausted at that point.

Thinking about Felix's hollow form gave his heart a squeeze. Right. That was why he was there. Not to gawk at injured soldiers.

He approached one of the healers, letting all his exhaustion and anxiety seep to the surface. He had to make it convincing: "Excuse me?"

"Yes?"

"Hi, I'm…" he sighed, "I'm Natsuki Subaru. I'm sorry for intruding, we weren't planning on staying here any longer, but I can’t just leave now that…"

"Oh." 

The healer's face darkened: "Yes, I've heard. I don’t know what to think."

"I don't know either, but I need to ask for a favour. You see, I am so very prone to horrible nightmares, and after today… I…" he did his best to get his voice to crack, and found it easier than anticipated, "...I don't know if you've heard, but I was the one who spread the word. I…" he sobbed, only half joking, "I saw his body."

The healer visibly stiffened: "Oh no."

"I don't think I can ever forget it. But I'm already… so exhausted, and I'm afraid if I just go to sleep, I'll wake up after an hour or so, screaming and sweating. I wanted to ask if you had anything that could ease my sleep, if… if it's not too much, of course."

The man's face softened behind his high collar: "Of course not. Don't be afraid to ask. You are our very honoured guest and it is my duty to help you in any way I can."

"Oh, thank you."

"Here." the medic said, handing him a small bottle from the cabinet behind him, "No more than two drops of this. It's made to bring restful and dreamless sleep, and it's potent."

"What happens if I drink too much?"

The man frowned: "Depending on the dose, anything from excessive sleep to a coma, to death. There's enough in there to kill two grown men. Do be careful with it."

"I will." he assured him. He stared into the swirling blue in the bottle: "I will only drink what I need to."

It tasted a little bitter, but at least the bed was soft.

Overall, not the worst end for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like writing Felix. Unfortunately for him, that means he is very high on the angst list.
> 
> I have a headcanon that the draining curse also drains heat in the process? It could be very wrong but expelling energy often equals expelling heat and I like that idea.
> 
> -Rémy


	3. Requiem For The Living

He woke up on Emilia’s shoulder, once again back in the carriage.

His heart sank a little. It was embarrassing to admit, but he’d hoped to go back a bit less that time. Still.

He decided not to ask that time. What was the point? He already knew what had happened. 

There was one question on his mind, but Emilia answered it quickly enough: “You dozed off for a minute there. Are you tired?”

She made no attempt to move him from her shoulder, so he stayed there.

“I’m exhausted.” he admitted. No lies there.

Emilia smiled: “You’ve had a long day. It’s okay. As soon as we get to the mansion, I’ll let you sleep for as long as you want.”

His heart squeezed: “Thank you, Emilia-tan. You’re a merciful princess indeed.”

“I’m not a princess.”

“You’re right. You’re a future queen, that’s what you are.”

She chuckled, red in the face: “I certainly hope so.”

She paused.

“You know, Subaru, I wasn’t sure I could do it before. But I didn’t have the support of my knight back then.”

“So I _am_ your knight, then?”

She smiled sincerely: “My trusted knight.”

If talking with Emilia had made him feel any better, reaching the mansion made his heart sink further down than before. Some little voice inside him kept repeating, over and over: _here it comes, here it comes, here it comes_.

He jumped off the wagon as soon as he could. He knew exactly where to go.

He carried Rem inside himself. If he held her tight enough, he could feel her breath against his shoulder. 

The first problem was taken care of. He took the deepest breath he could manage.

“Hey, Rem.” he whispered, “I have to follow someone this time. I’ll be right back with you as soon as I’m done with this. Maybe it won’t be this time, but I’ll save you. Okay?”

She didn’t move, of course. But, for just a moment, he could have sworn he’d seen the corner of her lip twitch up. 

It was hard to follow Felix. He had essentially locked himself in a room with Crusch and refused to leave until her hand was back to normal. Even after that, he was running around all night, which was inconvenient, because Subaru had _not_ lied about being exhausted. The reset had done nothing to cancel out the effects of the fight, the chase, or recovering from his injuries. The good news was that Emilia didn’t suspect him. She was also offering as much help as she could give around the mansion. 

He hadn’t talked to her about Rem yet, but there would be time for that. First, he had to find the shaman or whoever had placed the curse before they could start reaping victims. Oh yes, victim _s_. He couldn’t be sure it would stop with Felix. But he did know it would start with him.

Aside from the soldiers who’d had their names eaten, Felix seemed to know just about everyone he treated that night, which wasn’t implausible, as a fellow knight of Lugunica. Most were soldiers, and a lot of them were recovering from missing limbs like Crusch. He had to wonder what that was about.

When the dust finally settled and the last patient was asleep in one of the infirmary beds, he followed Felix out and into the hallways. The knight rounded a corner but, when Subaru did the same, he was nowhere to be seen. 

His heart stopped.

Where was he? Who with? For all he knew, in those ten seconds he’d lost sight of him, he could’ve met the shaman without knowing.

He almost jumped when he felt a short breath against his neck. 

“Now, why are you following me?”

He whipped around to find Felix, looking somewhere between amused and angry. His forced grin said _I don’t have time for you_ , but his eyes said _I just want to rest_.

An excuse. Quickly!

“I… uh…”

“You’ve been tailing me all night, no pun intended. Spill the beans, Subaru-kyun. I’m more observant than you think.”

_I know_ , he groaned, mentally.

“I was just… a little worried, is all.”

Felix held back a flinch, but his tail gave him away. It perked up for a second, the way it did when he’d been caught off-guard: “Why is that?”

He didn’t even have to lie, not entirely: “Well, it’s been a tough day for you.”

“And for you.” frowned Felix, “I saw the way you looked at that blue-haired girl. You know her.”

His heart sank: “I do.”

“So why are you following _me_? I can’t do anything about her. You know that, right?”

Subaru scoffed: “Why would you assume I need something from you? I know you can’t, and I know it’s eating you alive. So forgive me for being concerned about you.”

That seemed to strike a chord. The healer’s eyes visibly softened as he looked away: “That’s nice of you, Subaru. But really, all it’s done so far is freak me out. If you wanted to stick with me, you could’ve just said so.”

A shred of hope: “So, if I were to ask you now if I could stick with you, say, today and tomorrow…?”

It took Felix a second to respond. He sighed, dejectedly: “Feel free, if it’ll make you feel better. I have more work to do tomorrow. At least leave me alone when I’m talking to Lady Crusch, will you?”

Of course, Crusch was just about at the very bottom of the list when it came to suspects. She couldn’t have cursed him even by accident. He had no issues with those terms.

“Of course! How is she holding up?”

He remained silent for a moment longer than he should have. “Not well.” he admitted, “It’s all very new to her. Old Wil’s been catching her up, and I would’ve done the same, but…”

“You were needed elsewhere.”

“Yeah…”

“You’re doing good.” he said. Felix scoffed away the compliment, as he did when he found it genuine. Subaru insisted: “Hey, you are! Not many people would’ve been so ready to help in your situation. That’s a good few points in your favour in my book.”

Felix’s smile finally regained some of its usual smugness: “I bet you say that to everyone. Either way, I asked you to leave me alone because that is exactly where I’m headed now, so if you don’t mind…”

“I have to walk that way too.” he lied, “I’ll leave you as soon as we get there, though. Pinky promise.”

“Fine.” conceded Felix.

They didn’t say a word for most of the length of the hallway. Then, just as they were parting ways, it occurred to Subaru that there was something he needed to ask: “Hey, Felix?”

“Mh?”

“I’m exhausted, I don’t know about you. How long do you think you’ll be sleeping?”

“Zero hours with a side of none.”

“That can’t be right. Sleep!” he shouted after him.

“I don’t get a say in it.” murmured Felix, rounding the corner to Crusch’s chambers.

He’d chastised Felix for refusing to sleep, but it wasn’t hard to understand where he was coming from now that he was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. The exhaustion he felt before seemed to have been entirely absorbed by the mattress, leaving nothing but anxiety behind. The gnawing beast was back.

“Welcome back.” he muttered, rolling his eyes at the pain in his gut, “I did not miss you for a second.”

His belly seemed to growl in response. Right. He hadn’t eaten much. Thinking about it, _that_ hadn’t been a great idea. He needed energy. 

It left him wondering whether the painful fear was back again or he was just hungry, or more likely a mix of both. He briefly debated just trying to sleep while he could, so he would be at least a little bit rested the next morning and ready to stalk Felix, only with permission this time. 

He wasn’t very keen on starving, though. As long as Felix was presumably safe, he should probably take care of that. 

He reluctantly rolled off the bed and dragged himself into the dark corridors outside the room. He couldn’t see much, as nice as the weather was. The moon was barely visible, though he couldn’t remember whether it was waxing or waning. Either way, he wasn’t too interested in standing there and watching it.

The corridors stretched before him to infinity. Subaru felt the sudden need to curl into himself and run back to his room, but he wasn’t even sure where that was anymore. 

“Calm down.” he whispered to himself, “There’s nothing here.”

It occurred to him that, the last time he’d gone wandering through a mansion at night, it hadn’t gone too well for him. He shook his head.

_Don’t be stupid_ , he told himself, but he walked as fast as he could anyway. 

As he made his way back from the kitchens, though, biting into some leftover bread, he couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was watching him.

The sun was just starting to poke its head out when he found the courage to exit the room again. No one was around, but at least he could see where he was going. 

Actually, he found out quickly enough, there _were_ people around. In the infirmary, specifically, where two or three healers were already up and running. He was incredibly relieved to see that Felix was not among them. 

_I’m on time_.

He brushed off his early walk as just plain insomnia, though he felt his eyes shift away guiltily when he spotted the same guy he’d tricked into giving him poison. He seemed like a nice man. Maybe he should talk to him, just for insurance. In case he needed to start over again.

“Uh, hello.” he greeted.

“Good morning.” said the healer. He seemed to be busy mixing something. Subaru would presume potions were his thing. 

“I’m Natsuki Subaru, I’m…”

“Our guest, yes, I’ve heard.”

“Well, what’s your name?”

The man gave a tired smile: “I’m Ludwig.”

He could think of one good way to spend time.

“Hey, since I’m here, do you guys need any help?”

Ludwig initially refused, but they both knew it was better than just sitting on the side the entire time and, soon enough, Subaru was delivering food and medicine to the patients. Not everyone was awake, but no one was in the same state as Rem. The priority had been given to conscious patients with grave injuries, understandably. 

Some of the nameless knights were being kept in guest rooms instead, much like Rem, and the rest had been given to the care of various volunteers. 

The arrangement worked well enough. 

Felix showed up maybe half an hour after Subaru, and the look that crossed his eyes when they were face to face was somewhere between surprised, amused and annoyed. He clearly hadn’t expected Subaru to wake up so early, nor to be exactly where he needed to go.

“Well, hello, Subaru-kyun.” he greeted, with a lopsided grin, “Up early, are we?”

“Yeah…” he sighed, “Turns out I couldn’t sleep either. What do you know?”

“Mh, it’s been a long couple of days for you.” Felix nodded. There was no sarcasm laced into the sympathy there. 

Subaru showed the empty tray in his hands: “I’m just helping out. You know, since you guys have been working so much.”

Felix gave him a suspicious look: “That’s nice of you. You really should rest a bit, though.”

“I did my best.”

The healer sighed, but he didn’t insist. He got to work right away, though he could clearly feel Subaru’s eyes on his back and it was driving him up the wall. The glares he shot back every few minutes were testament to it. Subaru determined he’d have to be more subtle.

_No staring_ , he told himself, _if the patient is unconscious we’re probably fine. Try to get close without making it obvious. Calm down._

He would have liked to think he was getting better at not looking suspicious, but unfortunately, Felix was already onto him, so that didn’t help in the slightest.

When he was done in the infirmary, the knight headed out, probably outside, if his old schedule was any indication. Halfway down a corridor, without turning around, he spoke up: “When I told you you could follow me, Subaru, I didn’t mean fifty feet behind me, like the world’s most obvious stalker. I wish you wouldn’t do that.”

Subaru sighed heavily: “Sorry.”

He jogged to catch up with Felix: “So, where are we going now?”

“Breakfast.”

“Oh, good.”

“The kind where you weren’t invited, but it’s okay. I’m sure Old Wil won’t mind. He’s taken a shine to you.” he mumbled. There was no envy in his tone, just a hint of annoyance. Probably on account of Subaru disrupting just about every single one of his plans for the day. That was understandable.

Felix ate normally throughout breakfast. Good. There was still time. 

Subaru only remembered what Felix had told him about the village children when, a few hours later, they spotted them playing at the gates, as he knew they would. Some of the boys had climbed way up to the top of the gates.

Felix promptly scolded them: “Hey, get down from there! It’s dangerous.”

The kids looked upset, but they knew better than to disobey a knight. Subaru was grateful. Any more worrying about someone and he was sure he would’ve burst into tears.

Something was going to happen, though, right? If he wasn’t mistaken, then-

“Ah!”

It took him a second to spot the blue-haired child. She’d been hiding in one of the bushes at the edge of the garden. She crawled out of it in a panic, sobbing her heart out when she couldn’t get the snake to let go of her leg.

Felix was there right away, before Subaru could even react, to pry it away from her. The little girl’s screams died down to quiet sobs and sniffles as he promptly healed the bite. 

“You need to be careful playing in bushes.” he reprimanded her, “This one isn’t too venomous, and I was right there. There are more dangerous snakes around.”

She nodded, without looking him in the eyes: “I’m sorry…”

“I’m not mad, I just need to warn you. Look where you’re going.”

Subaru thought to himself that this poor girl must have had the worst luck with animals. First the dog, and now…

His eyes shot wide open as the snake gave a particularly intense struggle and slipped from Felix’s grasp, just enough that he was holding its neck instead of its head. Felix didn’t notice in time.

And Subaru could do nothing about it.

The snake turned its head and bit him on the side of his hand.

“Gah!” Felix yelped, letting go of the snake entirely. The children screamed, but its work there was done, and it just slithered back into the bushes. The wound was healed in the blink of an eye, and Felix clearly thought nothing of it.

If only he could’ve seen what was flashing through Subaru’s head, he would’ve known better.

“I need you to come with me, now.”

Felix gave him a look that said _oh, what now?_ loud and clear: “Where? Wh- hey!” he protested when Subaru grabbed him by the shoulders. The clear resolve in his eyes wavered when he saw Subaru’s face, though.

“This is important. I can’t tell you how important this is.” he pleaded, “Come with me.”

“Again, where?”

“Do you know where Emilia went?”

Whatever trace of seriousness or believability was on Felix’s face a moment before dissolved immediately: “Ah, so this is about Lady Emilia, then?”

“No!”

Felix flinched.

“No, it’s about _you_! You’re in danger. Serious danger. This is a life or death situation, Felix!”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’ve been cursed, dammit! Do you know what a curse is?”

His voice wavered as Felix pried his hands from his shoulders: “Of course I know what a curse is. When-”

“Just now! The- the snake!”

“We get snakes like that all the time here.”

Subaru’s voice cracked: “You don’t get shamans all the time, though, do you?” 

That seemed to give the healer pause, at least: “But how would you know that-”

“Because I’ve _seen_ it before!!” he cried, “I’ve seen it too many damn times.”

He looked into his friend’s face. He was so clearly growing suspicious of him. 

_No, no, dammit, believe me_.

“Is that why you were following me, Subaru? Because you _knew_ I’d be cursed?”

“No, I-”

“Do you have something to do with this?”

_No!_

“No, I swear I don’t!”

“Then how did you know?”

The panic swelled in his chest and pushed the words out before he could stop them: “In another l-”

_Cold._

_Darkness._

_Two cold hands caressed his heart, gently._

_Until they squeezed it tight, and the cold spread_.

“-ru? Subaru?”

The darkness was gone and he was back in the garden.

Felix hadn’t touched him to snap him back to reality. That was how little he trusted him. He had to fix it, immediately. Immediately. How? Didn’t matter. Good solution, yes, preferably, but mainly, fast solution. That was what he needed.

_Fast._

“Sorry…” he sighed, “I… I’ll tell you. I’m sorry, I thought- if I tell you why I knew, will you follow me? It’s not too late. It hasn’t been activated yet. Please.”

Felix raised his brow at him. 

His ears twitched downwards: “Fine.”

Subaru gave the biggest sigh of relief his lungs could handle: “Thank you. I- thank you.”

“Hurry up, then.”

He took a deep breath. Lowering his voice to an acceptable level again, he started explaining his excuse: “I knew someone was after you, because… I kinda… stumbled into them. They said- they said if I didn’t keep quiet…”

Felix’s face softened for the first time since the start of that conversation: “Ah.”

“They can’t know I said this, but I- I don’t want you to…”

He trailed off. Only half a lie was good enough for him. He didn’t dare look his friend in the eyes, just in case he caught the lie and got confused as to which one the lie was. 

Finally, though, Subaru saw his tail flop. He wasn’t on high alert anymore.

“Where did you say we had to go?” he sighed.

Emilia had, conveniently, been looking for him too. She was just asking Wilhelm about him when they walked in.

“Subaru!” she exclaimed, standing up from across the room and running up to him: “Where have you been all morning? I thought I would find you with Miss Rem, but…”

“ _Miss_ Rem.” he repeated, quietly, but he changed the topic before they could go any further down that particular rabbit hole: “Emilia, is Puck here?”

“He’s always here.” she answered, though the confusion was clear on her face. She brushed her fingers against her pendant and, sure enough, out came Puck, stretching his paws above his head.

“Good morning, Lia.” he greeted before even opening his eyes. When he did, though, Subaru didn’t leave him any time to properly greet the rest of them. 

“Yeah, hi Puck. Can you remove curses?”

Emilia audibly gasped, but he didn’t seem as concerned.

“Eh?” the spirit yawned, “Where’s this coming from? Who cursed you?”

“Can you remove curses or not???”

“If they haven’t been activated, sure.”

“Good.”

Subaru turned to look at Felix. 

Just in time to see him cover his mouth and stumble out the door.

He hoped, for as long as he could, that the nausea was just regular nausea. He hoped that Felix had just exhausted himself. 

But Puck confirmed it just as soon as they were able to reach him again.

The curse was active.

Subaru didn’t visit Felix that time. In fact, he spent the better part of that day, the next night, and the day after that stuck in the limbo of Rem’s room. Talking to her like she could answer.

“I should go, already.” he murmured. His voice was weak from doing nothing but talk for two days. 

Rem remained silent, of course.

“But…” he continued, as if she’d given any sort of answer, “I know this is stupid, but… what if he doesn’t die this time? What if I was wrong about it?”

Silence.

“I know.”

Silence.

“It’ll be easier to do it tonight, when no one’s looking.”

Silence.

“I know, but I’m actually going to do it this time. Last night, I was just-”

_Knock knock_.

“Subaru?”

Emilia was outside the door. He almost answered her, too, when she asked: “Are you awake?”

Ultimately, he couldn’t bring himself to talk to her. If he allowed her to console him, he might not find the courage to do what he’d promised himself he would do. 

But Emilia didn’t leave. Not immediately.

“Well, I don’t know if you’re awake…” she sighed through the door, “Or if you just want to be on your own for a while. That’s okay, too. I… I know you don’t want to come out, but I thought you might be hungry. I um… I brought you something from the kitchens. I asked for mayonnaise on the side. I hope it’s good, I haven’t um… I haven’t tasted it. Because it’s for you. I know maybe you don’t want to talk, but just so you know, if you’re awake and you’re listening… uh… it’s out here. I’ll leave it here for you and then I’ll go. You don’t have to talk to anyone, but if you can find it in yourself to eat something… that’s good enough for me.”

He heard the clink of a tray being set down outside.

“Okay, I’m going to bed now. I’ll come back here tomorrow morning and you can… leave the dishes outside if you want, and I’ll take them back to the kitchen. I’ll get you some breakfast, too.”

When he stayed silent, she relented: “Good night, Subaru.”

She took a few steps away from the door, but she returned almost immediately: “Oh, I talked to Wilhelm.”

His heart stopped and sank beneath the ground.

He was not ready to hear that. 

Emilia pressed on: “He wanted to thank you.”

_What?_

“You did everything you could.”

_No, I didn’t._

“We all know it. Felix said the same.”

_Well, he lied_.

“He said you did everything you could to find the curse before it activated.”

_Stop it_.

“No one blames you, Subaru.”

_They should_.

“Subaru, this is important. I need you to listen closely. No one blames you, because it wasn’t your fault. I know it's easy to blame yourself when something terrible happens and... and you can't do anything to stop it, believe me, I know. But it's not your fault. You know that, right? I need you to know.”

She sighed and continued, more determined than ever: “I don’t know if you’re awake, but I need you to hear it. And if you didn’t hear it just now, I’ll come back tomorrow morning and I’ll say it again. I’ll say it every day for the rest of your life until you understand me.”

Emilia’s steps echoed a little ways away from the door. She paused.

“That’s a promise.”

She walked away after that. Her steps got further and further away, until the hallway was silent once again. When he couldn’t hear her anymore, Subaru let his forehead fall on his knees.

His lips curved up.

“You’ve kept it.” he murmured, “Thank you, Emilia.”

The air was very still that night. 

It was almost _stale_ , in fact, but the view from the roof was nice, at least. So nice he felt compelled to just sit there and look around for a bit. 

Far, far beneath his dangling feet, a single guard patrolled the premises. He knew there were five more soldiers in total in the gardens. As soon as he’d put a bit of space between himself and the one who was below him, he would have free access to the grounds.

The guard rounded the corner.

Subaru took a deep breath.

_Okay, here we go_ , he thought, pulling himself to his feet. He looked down and his heart faltered. He decided not to look down anymore.

Just as he pondered obtaining some sleeping medicine again, though, he heard a familiar voice behind him.

“What took you so long?”

His heartbeat ground to a halt, only to start racing like a whirlwind the moment he recognised the voice. A female voice, sultry and sweet and so damn terrifying. 

_Why is she here?_

“I couldn’t reach the window.” a second voice complained. Subaru felt his breath grow faster and louder. He pressed his hands to his mouth. He’d rather suffocate than let that woman know he was there. But the other voice… he’d already heard that one, too. It was a young voice, no doubt, he’d heard it, he’d heard it… the previous day.

The child with braided hair.

“Oh, my. Maybe you should have picked a better meeting spot, then.” Elsa teased. 

The child, for some unholy reason, didn’t sound scared in the slightest when she replied: “It was this or going down five floors and getting past the guards.”

“Well, we wouldn’t have had to reschedule if you hadn’t lied about how long it would take.”

“It’s never taken this long before! That guy was more powerful than I thought.” she complained, “And _you_ were none the wiser.”

Subaru’s breath stopped entirely. It wasn’t the snake. It wasn’t the snake. He should’ve known it wasn’t the snake when he saw the little girl was fine and Felix wasn’t, but he hadn’t thought about it. Or maybe he just hadn’t wanted to consider that possibility. 

What was he supposed to do?

He choked back a sob. Then, he just choked. He couldn’t hold his breath anymore, he realised a second too late, when his hands trembled and left his mouth free to open in a loud, desperate gasp.

He knew he was done for when the conversation behind him stopped.

“Oh?” said Elsa, and he just _knew_ she was smiling that terrifying smile of hers, “Someone’s up late.”

The girl skipped towards him a few steps and he felt his muscles stiffen.

“Someone’s here!” she giggled, “Somebody’s been listening in! Hey, don’t you know it’s rude to listen in on people’s conversations?”

_No_.

Measured, predatory steps soon joined the little girl’s skips.

_Please, no._

“Don’t be shy, let me see your face.”

_No, that’s not the part of me you want to see_.

They were close. So close. He stood on trembling legs, death before him, death behind him.

“Oh, it’s you!” she exclaimed, utterly delighted. There she was. Still in good health and good looks, despite Reinhard’s devastating counterattack against her, and still wearing that damn smile.

He glanced over his shoulder.

Now that he thought about it, it was almost too perfect. He knew the source of the curse. And there, in front of him, was just the push he needed to take the fall.

One moment before Elsa’s casual walk could turn into a run, he jumped backwards, as far as he could go.

His face broke into a grin that must have looked insane to anyone who saw it.

_Better this than her_.

The blade missed him by inches. She didn’t follow him down, maybe. He wouldn’t know.

He blacked out before he ever hit the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The mystery unravels :)  
> Everyone say "thank you Emilia", supportive Emilia content is all blessed.
> 
> -Rémy


	4. Epilogue: Signed, Your Friend

He sprung up from his seat in the carriage as all the tension in his muscles released at once.

“Ah! Subaru!” Emilia exclaimed, “You startled me! Are you okay?”

She had jumped to her feet as well, startled indeed, but ready to assist him. It was so good to see her face again.

He let himself fall back with a sigh.

“I’m just fine now.” he smiled.

He let himself be happy for as long as he could. He carried Rem inside, let Emilia take care of him, let her hold him when he broke down crying, let himself smile at her whenever she consoled him.

 _This is the one_ , he told himself, _this is the right timeline._

Just to make sure, though, he sent a letter out as soon as he could.

The little girl appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, the next morning. She hadn’t been there before. He made sure to bring that up when he accused her in front of Emilia, Crusch, Wilhelm, and a tired, but healthy Felix. He had to admit, she gave a good impression of being a panicked and innocent child. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” she cried, “I was always there!”

“Yeah? Were you travelling with the other children?”

“Yes, of course!” she sniffed.

 _Come on, guys_.

Emilia caught on first: “Wait… no, you weren’t. You weren’t there. I remember all of the other children, and you weren’t with us.”

The girl seemed to realise her faux pas, but it was too late to pull herself out of the mess she’d started: “I-”

“I don’t remember seeing her among the others, either.” Wilhelm chimed in.

“I was there!”

“Were you? Shall we ask everybody else, then?” Felix suggested.

The girl flinched. He’d clearly struck a nerve. Her lip trembled, but it didn’t look like fear anymore. It just looked like anger, and it was all directed at Subaru. He would have been more intimidated if the kid hadn’t been enormously outnumbered by the dozens of soldiers present in the garden, the Sword Demon, Emilia and, by extension, Puck. 

She had to recognise she was outnumbered. 

His heart sang when she took a few panicked steps back. It burst into pure joy when the steps turned to a panicked _sprint_ away from them. 

The soldiers gave chase, eventually, but one cry from the girl summoned a creature from the woods; it narrowly avoided trampling the soldiers in its path, but it didn’t seem too interested in them. Instead, it just barrelled towards the young assassin and sprinted away with the girl clinging to its coarse black fur. 

A legion of soldiers ran after it, only to reluctantly admit defeat when they lost sight of the beast entirely.

“A mabeast user…” commented Felix, “How did you know?”

“I didn’t know _that_!” Subaru exclaimed, “But I did know she was dangerous. And I knew…” 

He hesitated. Everyone’s eyes were fixed on him.

He only returned Felix’s stare, however: “...that there's probably a bounty on you.”

Felix looked shocked, but Wilhelm and Crusch flinched like they’d been struck.

“Excuse me?” she murmured, “Who…?”

“I don’t know. But I’ve already called backup, in case she comes back with reinforcements.”

 _And she will_ , he sighed to himself. 

Felix raised his brow: “Who did you call?”  
Subaru dug through his pocket: “A mutual friend of ours.”

Something like recognition flashed through the knight’s eyes: “You mean-”

“Yep.” Subaru pressed a letter into his hands. The letter he’d received only an hour or so before that conversation. The handwriting was clearly not as neat as it normally was, its curves were elegant but obviously hurried, and the words conveyed a sense of urgency, but the signature, readable and unmistakable, dissolved any sense of danger that was still hanging in the air.

_Subaru,_

_I cannot thank you enough for bringing this to my attention._

_This letter will likely reach you before I do, but I will do everything I can to be there before sundown. Please, be safe until then._

_Your friend,_

_Reinhard Van Astrea_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's safe to say we've got some solid help.  
> Subaru really just said "okay, curses I can deal with, but Elsa?? I know a much better option here."
> 
> This one's over too!!  
> But I have news: aside from trying to work on the third installment of this series (which isn't necessarily in chronological order btw so if you see a situation from season 1 don't be surprised), my inspiration has taken me to writing a bunch of codas for these two fics's abandoned timelines. Why? BECAUSE I LOVE S2 EP11 OKAY IT'S VERY INTERESTING ;-;  
> Anyway, I'll do my best to write a coda for every timeline, post-Subaru, from the POV of a different character. Just because I wanna practice writing for other characters. :D
> 
> I hope to see you all, either in the third installment or the codas, whichever comes first :D  
> Suggestions for characters are very much appreciated because branstorming is difficult
> 
> -Rémy


End file.
